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This photograph from The Fabulous World of FAT! SO?

When I embrace my fatness, I do so in the hope of loving myself, as I am. But, more often than not, fat does not feel or look right. Obesity gets in our way all the time... No matter how we try and look beyond it.

Thin folk say simply, "If you don't like how you look, change. Do whatever it takes to get back into shape." But saying this does not somehow get through, whatever it is that feeds the hunger. Call it addictive behavior, laziness, obsessive binging, aversion to exercise, or a hunger for love, fat by any other name still stinks.

One can compensate, and one usually ends up doing so... By being one's best at something or other. Trying extra hard in bed, at work, or on the playing field, fat people laugh louder, give longer, settle for less. Knowing how everyone watches with a critical glance, we have little choice. Later we will pay back the world by drowning in our just deserts. There is always a meal waiting to sooth the failing ego, to massage the tangled nerves, to tease the taste buds into forgetting for a little while.

But too, I know, this all must end. Either I must begin being master or end up on a slab as a slave, dead from small pleasures. A victim with the whole culture as my enemy, somehow I need to see a path up and out of this hole.@My own hole, created by my weight falling through the fiber of society to a subterranean land of self doubt and despair.

A ladder out must be made from the bones and sinew of my own past low expectations toward some higher good. I must be my own savior or settle for a life within the shadow of my own body mass.

Welcome to Food

How I love thee, let me count the ways... But Food, My Dearest, why do you plot to kill me?

A dietary supplment of
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I have gout, the traditional ill of the wealthy has now descended upon the ever expanding middle class. I can't see it, but I am certain cholesterol coats the inner lining of every vessel, barnacles sinking this ship from within.

Recently I spent a month on double crutches from a single fall, doctors advice "Lose that fat and take the weight off those over taxed joints." My mirror tells me that fat is ugly, my palate pleads for more oral gratification. I don't look in mirrors much anymore.

Fat wins a lascivious battle, inner insecurity defeats all platitudes of self discipline, I eat until I drop. What mechanism of will or spirit can save this hapless glutton? Is their hope after 50 for the chronically obese?

Questions I ponder:

  • Can I change the eating habits of a life time?
  • Can I defeat the ambitious money hungry plans of a thousand fast food companies lusting for my market share?
  • Is there an exercise that I could learn to love, nearly as much as I love fatty foods?
  • Is there someone or someplace I could introduce in my life that would be part of the solution?
  • Why is a man, who has done so much for so long, so weak in the face of daily temptation?
  • Is there a tool I have over looked, or could again try and master, that may better guarantee success?
  • How can I stop my sins from visiting upon my children, via positive parent modeling?
  • Is a longer life worth the sacrifice of a present in perpetual battle?

How tedious this reflective process, I sure could use a drink right now.
Something sweet with caffeine...

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