Welcome to Dalando'sPersonal Diet Dairy
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9/14/2002
116 kg
I weigh a bit less though I am uncertain why. Perhaps some of the research and awareness I have invested into my diet has actually begun to help. The reason I am unsure is because I still find myself quite often eating beyond hunger, still running to food as my head spins with all the challenges of each day.
But seeing the scale registering less does truly bolster my courage... though it is difficult rejoicing knowing my history of ups and downs.
On one side I have the rather awkward world of organic awareness, in which I can order from distant health food cooperatives or specialized shops the very best of food products at inflated prices, and on the other side a world of convenience stores and super markets where everything is suspect and the very worse for me is so temptingly displayed. Yet this is the world everyone lives. No matter what our own particular brand of vulnerability, there will always be this dichotomy between what is easy but deadly verses that which is tough to get and do yet a wiser selection.
So I return back to the old IChing adage, perseverance furthers. I'll make the order to Tengu Natural Foods our Japanese bilingual health food mail order company and continue to live in both worlds. That of the busy single parent getting by the best he can and that of the self-aware but overweight man climbing an uphill battle to revolutionize his life, by eating better, feeling better, living better... just prior to tumbling back into the shadows of his own self-made despair.
This all feels so embarrassingly ridiculous, to dedicate so much time and energy in Not doing something, just so I can simply feel balanced and alive in the most normal of ways. All of these measures, from building bridges in my mouth, to watching the rise and fall of anxiety in my body, just so that I may finish out the remainder of my life happily. But being happy would most certainly be worth the journey, particularly if it germinated from within, without all the props of self destructive behavior... Naturally happy, our birthright so easily lost on the trails of Disneyland.
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