Welcome to Dalando's Personal Diet Dairy
For an introduction to this diary begin with the personal statistics page.

5/19/2004
116 kg

I am not practicing any kind of diet now. I simply proceed in my usual chaotic fashion of expedience and taste choices. All the life issues run steady. The angers, the concerns, the fact of life that color every moment with the special mix that represents this particular individual.

I assume I had originally planned to master my weight via this diet diary. But I feel only that I have learned more of the consistency of the problem. I have learned people are of a body set, that carries, with only slight variation, a record, like the rings on a dissected tree trunk, a personal history of affluence, disease, hard times and good.

I remember the brutal critique of my obesity by my wife, and then I look at the pictures of myself at that time, and realize, I wasn't really so bad. It was her anger and needs that were at issue and my insecurity that played into it. I was as I am now, a viable and willing lover, a healthy strong male with a heart and will for good. Why I bought into her deprecation is the mystery that haunts me. This self punishment done by many of us, particularly those of us who feel outside the aesthetic norm.

It is true we would all like to be more beautiful, and there is much to be said for the adventures and rewards in the pursuit of such beauty. But there is also a need to develop self worth, a self respect for the very virtues we hold in our hearts. Simply so, we can enjoy ourselves as we are.

I see that I hand down self-doubt to my children, in the form of unrelenting critique, with the misguided assumption that it will help them be more careful. I perpetuate a dark sadness that extends deep into our ancestry, deep into the lower intestines of a life long insecurity.

I wonder what magic could lift up this shroud of self doubt and liberate all of us into an ambience of confidence and self assuredness? What will it take to crack this shell and allow life to be brighter? Wouldn't it be nice to be cheerful and of good humor much of the time.

I really wish I knew my own hidden path to happiness. For surely that would be the diet of champions.

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