Welcome to Dalando's Personal Diet Dairy
For an introduction to this diary begin with the personal statistics page.

5/5/2004
116 kg

There was no particular discipline. No particular exercise plan, just a busy life filled with a wide variety of eating situations and tasks to perform. I am not as thin as I believe would be aesthetically appealing and that might stop the relentless verbal critique by others. There remains the annoying facts that my clothes do not fit right and that my sizes are difficult to find.

Yet, too, there is an acceptance, perhaps a sad resolve, that my thinner days are finished, unless (God forbid) I am ravaged with a life threatening disease. It is true I still harbor a fantasy that there might be some major positive shift that would permit me to naturally and honestly become trim, but all signs suggest not.

This is not to say that I am not in agreement with learning and practicing nutrition and moderation. It is just that my heart is more interested in the task of accepting where I am right now, then chasing an ideal that I may never be able to maintain for more than a few months.

I am not happy with these observations. There is the smell of defeat in them, because I still can not accept the fat man I am. Yet too there is an air of resolve, that loving myself is the true barometer to correct action, and there is very little positive to be said to the endless nagging of dieting disciplines.

I was hoping this diet diary process would reveal a wonder methodology, or uncloak the hidden reasons for my obsessive eating behavior. There were many insights, some quite useful personally, but this task is far from complete. I will continue to maintain this diet diary because I feel I owe it to myself, to follow this process to a deeper conclusion. I am not fully hopefully, as I have been at other times in the last two years during this analysis, but I am thankful for the health I have, and the sense of fitness that still keeps my obesity from seriously interfering with my life.

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