12
/15/2003
114 kg
There is a direct correlation between psychological traps and beating addictive behavior.
I have been a painful witness to the cyclic patterns of habitual despair. Unhappiness is in itself an addiction and the patterns of addictive behavior plays directly into the perpetuation of old bad habits.
At this point I see only a complete and thorough personal revolution is required, in combating my negative attitude and resistance to appropriate behavior. All this sounds rather obvious. If you don't properly exercise and regulate compulsive eating you gain weight. Unfortunately from inside the compulsive head the simple is submerged under very real discomfort.
If you drink, gamble, eat, or have sex compulsively you have established very deeply ingrained patterns which take their commands from chemical stimulants well below the command center of daily choices. This suggests to me that radical commands are needed to overlay a more powerful command control until the chemical dependency is shifted. The surrender to a greater power, 'cold turkey' fasting techniques, restrictive social devices, and constant vigilance are essential just to initiate change, and then there is a need for a 'structure of significance' to maintain this change.
These 'structures of significance' are the 12 step plans, the diet clinic techniques, or the classical religious rituals that have proven effective in the past. The defense against these often embarrassing and socially odd cures, by the evil villain within, remains cynicism and despair. The sad depressing mind set, this loss of hope, and the delicious warmth provided by the addictive behavior, is a formidable foe.
In my case, even the weather seems to lend a hand in my own demise... As does the sways of economics and the need for emotional and physical comfort, i.e. the lack of a lover. Each set back seems to confirm my biological urge to eat for comfort, while the better days do not seem to have the leverage to counter the downward spiral.
When working within a carefully articulated plan, as it was when I was working under the spell of the Atkins Diet, it is possible to override the daily negative patterns with the hope and enthusiasm generated by the step by step successes within any good plan. Sadly, all plans will be challenged by friends and the mass media, and if your faith wanes the plan will be undermined. Our subconscious predisposition is to stop the unpleasant patterns of behavioral modification and resume our old habits. The only conscious choice, as I see it today, is again to surrender to a specific plan and hold to it.
What strengthens the will? What plan matches the challenge? In my case, there is still a need for a process that fits into the world I live. It is my responsibility to build a life style that breeds success. Either I have to adopt an existing plan or create my own.
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