Welcome to Dalando'sPersonal Diet Dairy
The purpose of these reflections is the author's attempt to understand and deal with the mechanisms of his own despair.
While dieting is the stated objective, like all personal quests, each aspect of life is integral to the goal.
This will be tedious reading for anyone but the most dedicated explorers of the human psyche.
Kilogram to Pound Conversion
80 ------ 176.2
82.5 ---- 181.7
85 ------ 187.2
87.5 ---- 192.7
90 ------ 198.2
|
92.5 --- 203.7
95 ----- 209.2
97.5 --- 214.7
100 ---- 220.2
102.5 -- 225.7
|
105 ----- 231.2
107.5 --- 236.7
110 ----- 242.5
112.5 --- 248
115 ----- 253.5
|
117.5 --- 259
120 ----- 264.5
122.5 --- 270
125 ----- 275.5
127.5 --- 281
|
8/7/2002
117 kg
One sure way to accelerate the tedium and sadness of life is to try dieting. Each day I kick and scream in a futile rage of discontent. Just as the lovely dental hygienist patiently tries to direct me to care more for my gums and teeth, just as countless doctors over the years state emphatically that I must lose weight, just as others tell me to study the language of the country I live, all I can do is honestly smile in agreement, and then confess my feelings. I will try but my track record suggests failure. The truth is the mind, my mind, can not recognize the tedious task without surrendering into futility and despair.
But since I am at the end of my rope, and pain and sadness has become more frequent than happiness, what choice do I really have? Suicide is the path of anyone who is trapped in self abuse. All self directed destruction leads to sickness and death. Of course everyone eventually becomes sick and dies, but there is a subtle difference in the methodology. A self abusive personality carries the addictions as a sense of defeat, while others find happiness in the inevitabilities with a self fertilizing fortitude. It is only in facing the challenge that the addicted find a better addiction, a new compulsive habit of happily winning, by stubbornly beating the old obsessive behavior.
Consider those who are successful. They are not content unless they are pursuing their own obsession of success. That which makes them feel happy, their peer group also witnesses as success. Success breeds success. An amusing yet effective loop. Only the sad, or the morbidly percise, can knock holes in the goals of others. We all know sex, wealth, physical health, freedom, etc. is transitory, yet... you can't knock success successfully for long. Inevitably we feel the happy are right even in their naive innocence. We, who are perpetually dissatisfied at being right in our unhappiness, need to swallow our pride and begin the uphill walk.
Getting right is finding a workable daily pursuit that manifests small steps experienced as personal success. Something that makes me smile. Some small step that makes me feel proud and determined to keep trying. Losing a kilo helps. Fixing my teeth helps. Stopping the pain with proper diagnosis and treatment helps. Finding a way around the pillars of rooted sadness to a sunnier sweeter perspective.
Initially there isn't much, but any beginning is better than a sad ending. At least that is the theory, the proof is in the practice.
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