Dalando's "View from the Mountain"
Early Winter 12/11/2003
Today is the Christmas festival at my children's international school. To attend I must cancel my classes at the university, something I am very reluctant to do. But as I have not been ill this semester, I will regretably miss the classes. I love the rapport I have at this school, with so many of the students, and I will miss being with them today.
I am also a 'lame duck' employee. The administration could not know about the learning that happens in my class each week, from their view I do not look valuable, perhaps even problematic, and so I have been scratched from the roster for the coming year.
My leaving the school feels a loss, but out of my hands. I am satisfied about the wonderful adventure my students and I have had together and rely now on my resourcefulness to use this newly freed time. The more I improve myself the more I will have to offer my students, my friends and family, and come closer to fulfilling a larger vision. That larger vision is my focus now, from my subjective little window here on the hill.
I have noticed how sensitive my moods have been to the weather as winter with its coldness and cloudy skies blankets my life here in Japan. I have been an active student of moods since my wife's death from depression. I had the opportunity to witness the power of our mental state. This is something often talked about in the spiritual text I enjoy, certainly those of a Buddhistic perspective, but my education was made complete by witnessing the painful conclusion to negative thinking.
To recognize the adverse effect of behavior, both in the people around me and in myself, is only a half step. Applying these observations to a life style of improvement takes a vigilance. I wonder how most of us manage to cope as well as we do. The emotional frailty generated from years of struggle can be seen in the eyes of so many of us.
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